Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Reality Round-Up 20.10.10

Apprentice front-runner Stella English
The Apprentice

Last week on The Apprentice MILF Stella shot to the head of the class by really stepping up to the plate as team leader of the boys’ team after they were reduced to five following Raleigh leaving the show to be at his injured brother’s bed side.

Controlling the boys, who seemed an extremely volatile bunch last week, was no small feat, but Stella also managed to prove herself to be a great sport by agreeing to the lads’ request that she pose for the marketing photo for their product. Okay, she drew the line at bikini (shame) but she still did it and looked good doing it.

Stuart “everything I touch turns to sold” Baggs was extremely quiet last week after proving himself to be one of the World’s biggest gob-shites the week before – I don’t actually think I heard him speak; maybe Lord Sugar’s words of wisdom last week actually got through to him and he may be here longer than we all originally thought (shame).

In what is turning out to be an exceptionally sub-standard year for candidates, Jamie shone out for the boys last week as the only one with any real sort of potential, although that is faint praise indeed. Still, I expect he will do quite well and could be the best of a bad bunch.

The girls might be the stronger group this year but beyond Stella, you’d be hard pressed to find another one who you’d think would be a good hire for Sugar-plum.

Joanna marked herself for elimination last week with her pushy and extremely mouthy performance. She really shot herself in the foot in that respect as she’d done pretty well the week before in leading the girls to victory.

I knew Joy would be the one going though once she got pulled back into the boardroom as Sugar always gets rid of the quiet ones before the ridiculously annoying ones.

I can’t say I’ll miss her, but I would have far rather seen Melissa, who seems to have her own take on the English language – “saus-arge”, be the one fired, but oh well, there’s always tonight’s show and the bakery task facing them will no doubt sort the wheat from the chaff… (See what I did there!?)

The Apprentice: Wednesdays @ 9pm on BBC1

Michelle Williams - my 'brilliant' ante-post
tip for this year's Strictly Come Dancing
Strictly Come Dancing

Last weekend Paul Daniels disappeared (sorry) from Strictly Come Dancing and although it means I won’t get to see as much of Ola (and that’s usually a lot) I can’t say I was too disappointed to see him go.

And in what would have been a shock at the start of the series, but not so much after her seeing her dance, Michelle Williams joined him in the bottom two.

I thought I’d got the deal of the year when I managed to get 15/2 on Michelle to win before the series started but now that she’s out to 40/1 and favourite to go this weekend I think I might have got ripped off!

I’m amazed at how someone who toured the world with a pop group known for their ass-shaking can be such a terrible dancer; it’s like watching a robot out there. I guess I spent too much time ogling Beyonce’s booty to notice Michelle couldn’t dance.

Seen as my bet on Michelle is effectively down the shitter, unless Ian Waite can perform some sort of miracle with her this week that is, I’ve taken to cheering on the two couples I’ve really grown to like – Pamela & James and Scott (who I didn’t expect to like) & Natalie.

So it was very nice to see my favourite two pairings sat at the top of the leader board on Saturday night (take that Kara and Matt).

I think both Pamela and Scott are fantastic bets to win the show as they are scoring higher than Matt and Kara yet still remain longer odds. Both have fantastic chemistry with their partner and that really counts for a lot, no one wins this show without a great rapport with their teacher.

Kara and Matt may technically be better gifted dancers but the relationships they have with their dance partners leaves me cold – kind of ironic given that Kara was performing the no pants Cha Cha Cha with Artem.

Out of my two favourites I’d like to see Pamela triumph, mainly down to the fact that I think James deserves to win the show – he’s been shafted a couple of times now in recent years but I really think this could be his year as the public seem to have really taken to Pamela.

Elsewhere the remaining contestants are really just dead-weight at this stage – the Ann Widdecombe sideshow continues – does someone want to explain to me how Michelle only scored one point higher than her from Craig!?

And Gavin Henson continues to exhibit the personality of the colour beige – I genuinely think all that fake tan has osmosed into his blood and given him some sort of chemical lobotomy.

This Saturday the contestants are either performing the tango or the Charleston which should make for very entertaining viewing, the Charleston is by far the best dance they do on the show and given how drastically untalented some of them are at dancing should make for cringeworthy television.

Strictly Come Dancing: Saturdays @ increasingly erratic times (usually approximately 6pm) on BBC1

X Factor's grotesque Cher Lloyd
X Factor

I must have some sado-masochistic tendencies as I continue to sit through this brain-rotting spectacle of crap every weekend.

Why can’t I stop watching X Factor!? I hate it; all I do for nigh on two hours is yell abuse at my TV. I hate the judges, I hate the contestants, I hate Dermot O’Leary and I hate the whooping idiots in the crowd. Yet there I am, granted usually liquored up to the eyeballs – which could explain how I end up watching week after week, sitting through the never-ending parade of emotional manipulation Cowell and his band of cronies serve up.

But I just can’t kick X Factor so like Cowell has been keen to drill into us all this year I just “embrace the madness” and this year is the most bizarre year I’ve seen on this headline-bogarting juggernaut.

I think Cowell is pushing this whole ‘different’ agenda this year because last year’s backlash has him scared – the show may be as popular as ever but the rest of the population that have the strength to avoid X Factor are starting to grow more and more vocally resentful towards Cowell and his cookie-cutter karaoke singers.

Ergo this year he seems almost intent on breaking away from the trend of winners past and crowning a champion that isn’t just another pretty boy/girl with a decent voice.

Thus we have the likes of Cher Lloyd being relentlessly rammed down our throats. Maybe I’m getting old, but I just don’t get it. I like rap, in fact I consider myself a fan of that genre of music but let me tell you something right now – that is not rap, it’s crap.

What Cher Lloyd is doing is more like gypsy rhyming slang dressed in rejects from the Mr. Motivator collection. Seriously, how this girl made it this far is beyond me.

Of what I’ve seen so far, Matt and John seem to have the best voices but for some reason Cowell et al seem to have made the decision that John will be given absolutely no back-story to flesh him out as a character in this despicable soap opera – his sob story probably doesn’t provoke enough tears.

Out last week were ridiculously pompous rocker Storm (struck by the curse of the opening slot) and the campest two men to ever grace television Diva Fever – one of my favourite tweets during the show was about Diva Fever and their performance and simply read “the only way this could be any gayer is if they started bumming on stage”. Genius.

The Diva boys have subsequently spoken out about their song choice – for musical heroes week they did Duck Sauce – I could go on and on about how for a week that is supposedly the contestants’ musical heroes it is retarded that the judges are picking the songs for them but I’ve done that to death in my previous posts/rants about the show in recent years.

So I won’t talk about how I find it hard to believe that Belle Amie will have ever even heard of The Kinks or how, as camp as they all are, that One Direction hold Kelly Clarkson as one of their musical heroes.

This week’s theme will probably be something like ‘songs from the year you were born’ yet Cowell will somehow find a way for One Direction to do Cee-Lo Green’s ‘Forget You’.

One final thought, isn’t Wagner being that close to One Direction a breach of the terms of his position on the sex offender’s register!?

X Factor: Saturdays @ 7.45pm on ITV1


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